I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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