Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
