Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
