Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
