So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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