need another drink. this is the easiest way
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Every concussion has its silver lining
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
and you fell through a lawn chair
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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