At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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