guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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