Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
