Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
