i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
