I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
