there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I smell stomach acid.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
