I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
