I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Randomize
