So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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