Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
