I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
