dude i'm inner monologue high
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
