tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
