is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I have grass duct taped all over my body
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize