My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
