I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I think my vagina is haunted
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
it glows. i had to have it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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