Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
