Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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