next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
