cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
