The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize