I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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