He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
