my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize