were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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