i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
