I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
