chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
