oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize