I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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