I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i believe in u and ur pee
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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