i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
