Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
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