im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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