Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
