All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
