I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
it's like iHOP with fire
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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