there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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