Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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