I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
