I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
