You're so nebulous sometimes
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize