oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
