I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize