My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
