Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
