1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
