Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
