I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
