Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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