Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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