NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
sex in a hospital.. check
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
