Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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