the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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