My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
