This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
