were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
