You can't special order awesome
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
